My story:
From a traumatic birth
to an unexpected home birth

When I gave birth to my first child, I experienced a birth that left me feeling traumatised. I had an unwanted caesarean, and the experience left me with questions, emotions, and a deep sense that I had terribly failed as a mother.

A couple of years later, when I became pregnant again, I decided to use hypnotherapy to specifically work on my birth trauma. I didn't want to go into my second birth carrying the fear and risk repeating the experience.

But what unfolded went much deeper than I expected.

My birth trauma didn't start at the hospital. It started in my childhood.

Growing up with a strict father, I'd learned that I didn't really have a voice, a choice, or an opinion. To be loved, I believed I had to be the good girl: do what I was told, avoid conflict, and put other people's needs before my own.

I respected authority. I did as I was told. I didn't question things or challenge decisions.

Or at least, that's what I thought.

Through my inner work, I began to realise that what I'd understood as respect was, in many ways, fear.
Fear of getting things wrong, of displeasing others, of speaking up, and of not doing as I was told.

Before my first birth, I had no idea these patterns were there. I thought I was simply a good person who cared deeply about others. I thought I was easy-going, that I didn't mind going along with things.

I began to understand how much these patterns had shaped my first birth. Why I'd found it so difficult to question what was happening, to speak up, or to trust my own voice.

For the first time, I could see that what had happened in the hospital wasn't an isolated experience. It was connected to something I'd been carrying for years, without even realising it.

It took a deeply challenging experience for me to begin seeing these patterns for what they were.

And I started to understand how they had influenced the way I navigated my first birth, including my ability to express my wishes, question what was happening, and advocate for myself.

The healing I needed went far beyond making peace with my birth. It became a profound journey of healing, self-discovery, and transformation.

And…at 38+5 weeks, at 01:58am, my son was born at home.

An unexpected home birth. A vaginal birth after caesarean (VBAC). An experience that became one of the most beautiful and healing moments of my life.

But the transformation wasn't just about how my son was born. It was about the journey I'd taken to get there, and how profoundly it had changed my relationship with myself and with life.